Marriage is boring

Another headline of another celebrity divorce. True love has died. I skimmed the article looking for the cause of the downfall. I only read enough, or really cared enough, to notice the quote from the actress. She said something about only the first few years of marriage being fun and then the next ten plus years feel like you're living with a roommate. I didn't read much after that, unsure if that was what led to the demise of the marriage but suddenly phrases and quotes I had hear my whole life about marriage came flooding to me.

Make sure to keep the marriage alive.

Ten ways to spice up the marriage.

The seven year itch.

Marriage takes work.

You may not like your partner most days but you'll always love them.

You have to choose to stay married.

I remember a few short years ago I was so fearful to find myself married. Everyone made it sound so horrible. Why would I want to be in a lifelong partnership with someone I probably hated most of the time? Somehow, I met a man I really liked and I squashed the fear of marriage and promised him forever.

Maybe I haven't hit the quota of how long you should be married before you give advice but I think being married a few years at least qualifies me to give some thoughts.

After closing the article on my phone, I picked up the contemporary romance book I was reading. I was enthralled with the story, rooting for the main characters to fall madly in love and find a happily ever after. Quotes were thrown around in the book about how she knew she loved him because she wanted the pancake breakfasts with him, taking the kids to school, and the messy haired waking up next to each other mornings. The mundane.

That is what every romance story and romance movie taught me. The big 'I love you' speech always had something thrown in about how they want some boring part of life with this person. But we never get to hear that part of the story. Every book and movie ends at the exciting, full of passion and emotion moment and then we are left to imagine they went on living a happy and boring life together. We root for it, some of us cry at that part of the speech. We want these characters to want the mundane with each other. That seems to be the measure of love in these stories.

So, why does reality tell a different story? Oh, we lost the spark. Oh, I fell out of love. How many people step out on their marriage looking for that rush in someone else? The excitement of the beginning has been glorified but we hardly ever take time to marvel at the rest of the story. The boring Saturday mornings. The falling into routine with someone. The staying up late on a Thursday night because you both found a show on Netflix you kept hitting 'next episode' on, giggling as you both felt so naughty staying up so late on a work night.

I think at some point in our life we got so used to the rush, the chaos of searching for love, that we see the 'settled-in' phase of marriage as boring when in reality that is just what peace feels like. We spend so much of our young adult lives dating and kissing and having broken hearts and squealing at first dates and 'do they like me's' that we get comfortable in the chaos of it all and we aren't able to recognize the peace that is supposed to come after it.

Maybe we just reframe it all. Because the truth is, the peace is exciting. We went from 'is he going to kiss me tonight' to getting to share kisses every. single. day. We went from goodnight texts and phone calls to saying goodnight next to each other before we rolled over in the same bed and drifted off to sleep together. We went from the thrill of the first 'I love you' to getting the beauty of hearing it multiple times a day.

How beautiful is it to find someone you get to live the most mundane life with? How magical it is to find someone you get to fall into a routine with? How truly perfect it is to find someone that makes life so peaceful it feels boring.

I'll state the obvious- keep the romance in it! Squeeze her butt as you walk by, grab his junk, flirt and tease. Give quick kisses and long, deep, passionate ones. Get her flowers and grab his favorite soda while you're at the grocery store. Have sex. Boring sex. Wild sex. Try new things. Rediscover old things you both liked. Do a new position. Burst into laughter because one of you farted while attempting said new position.

Comfort. Comfort is the most magical thing you can find in a relationship. It is so fun in the beginning, getting dolled up for each other. Worrying if you are wearing the right top or if you should change into the dress. But there is something even more fun, even more beautiful, about being with someone who doesn't care about your morning breath. Knowing their scent. Being able to know the ins and outs of them. That they like the tall socks when they wear boots but only like ankle socks when they wear sneakers. But their socks always have to be black. And matching. But they know you can wear mismatched socks because who has the time to try and pair them up after folding all the other laundry. But they do. They still pair your socks for you.

Peace and comfort is arguably, in my opinion, the best part of falling in love. A first kiss is a fun feeling you may never experience again but the millionth kiss from the one who knows how you like your coffee and knows every one of your weird quirks and preferences - that is magic that you can't find with just anyone. The safety in sleeping next to someone who you know loves you beyond anything in this life. That is something that should never be taken for granted.

You know, assuming that you even feel safe, peaceful, and comfortable with the person you married to. If not, we have deeper questions to ask and other conclusions to come to. But not in this post. Another one. One day.

If marriage is boring, I'll take it. Because I love a life of peace over a life of chaos anyways.