The Bravest Thing I Ever Learned To Say

Three words that changed my life. What once was a harsh whisper in the back of my mind that I would try to speak louder than so I couldn't hear it rattling around in my head. A simple phrase I felt showed so much weakness. Something I would only say to myself in horror, but never dare say aloud.

I don't know.

For so long, I felt like I had to have all the answers. That my faith in whatever I believed would be counted as less or shaky, that any decision I was making would be seen as flawed, or that my knowledge on any matter would be seen as skewed. I felt my level of intelligence and belief in a matter solely relied on me fully and truly knowing.

I don't remember the exact day, in fact, it wasn't one big revelational moment. It was a collection of small moments, passing thoughts, seconds of bravery in myself that all led to me finally saying, out loud, I. Don't. Know.

It was like chains fell off from my wrists, ankles, and neck. Shattering to the ground, summoning my freedom. You see, I believe that knowledge is power. But acknowledging you lack knowledge is freedom.

Maybe it is ego and pride, or simply human nature, but when we know something we tend to shut out the opportunity of dialogue with opposing opinions or ideologies. Take religion for example. Oooo touchy subject. But let's do it.

You know what you believe in. You know what deity you serve. So when someone else who knows what they serve comes along, rarely is there ever any conversation. Rarely do we extend ears to listen to what they believe in. And if you do? It is with intent to argue back on why you are right and they are wrong.

That is all we have become. Listening with intent to argue back. Hearing only enough to be able to rebuttal. But if we took the time to, respectfully, shut up and listen. To absorb and see what the other person knows, we would find that a lot of what we believe is incredibly similar, just with a different label or name.

When I began to bravely state, 'I don't know', I allowed myself the opportunity to continue to learn. One thing that I have carried with me since cosmetology school, the one main lesson they drilled into us was: 'never stop learning.' Though we had completed our schooling, got our licenses (not me but proud of all my classmates who did lol), though we ended up in a salon and working on our own- there was still the deep encouragement to always continue our education. New techniques would come about, new products would always circulate, chances for different services you could offer clients. There would always be something to learn.

There is always something to learn. Saying 'I don't know' took away the deafness from my ears caused by pride and the blindness on my eyes caused by ego. I finally was able to shut up and learn. I was able to listen to those who did know. It also gave me time to critically think for myself. To see the world as it should be- a community of humans that are all meant to work together.

I don't know a lot. And when I don't know something, I have learned to listen longer than I have spoken. When I finally speak on what I know it is because I am confident in it. Because I have a firm ground to stand on. That I feel like I could maybe then share and teach what I have learned.

All with the humility to know sometimes I might be wrong.

And when that happens... the I was wrong and the I don't know, I choose to stand firm on my unwavering I do know.

I do know I was raised on a good book that taught me to love my neighbor as myself. Who is my neighbor? Surprisingly, this is a hot debate? My neighbor is the person in the unit next to mine. The person in the unit above me. It is everyone in my apartment complex. It is the unhoused person that walks the street where we park our car. It is the person who bagged my groceries. It is the person who picked my groceries. My neighbor is every person in this country. It is also every person out of this country. My neighbor is someone who is a different age, gender, race, religion, and culture than me. My neighbor extends to those who live like me and who don't. Undocumented and documented. Poor or rich. Just like me or entirely the opposite of me. My neighbor is every human that also walks this earth.

I do know that love conquers all. I do know that leading with hate has never gotten anyone anywhere.

I do know that when you stand for nothing, you fall for everything.

I do know that silence has only ever turned to complacency. I have learned that my silence has only made me complacent. Waiting for someone with more articulate words to speak up, in fear I am wrong. Or in fear I look stupid.

But how will I ever look stupid for choosing, voting, speaking in love for my neighbor?

There was a man in this same book I was raised on who sought out the neighbors who were entirely opposite of him. With the crowds behind him damning him for even speaking to these neighbors, he chose to have dinner with them. He chose to make them feel like a priority. As they were. The most hateful people ended up being the ones who were supposed to be just like this good man who had dinner at his neighbors house.

Sometimes we wait to change our minds on something until it affects us personally but if you took the time to get to know your neighbors- you'd realize a lot more things affect you personally. Because I do know we all come to life the same way and we leave life the same way. Birth and death. We form in the womb the same way. Our bodies decay the same way. When we are six feet under, if you choose to be buried, the skin is gone and all that is left is bones. The same skeleton. (Except my skeleton will be missing a rib thanks to that one surgery but you still get the point).

We are all the same. Human.

My 'I don't know' has opened me up to worlds of knowledge. It has opened me up to experiencing so many different cultures and ways of life. It has connected me with my neighbors. It has humbled me and made me confident all in the same. I have gotten to know more of myself and others. I have gotten to see that humanity is one big puzzle and together- we all connect and fit into the most beautiful picture.

So, when it comes to fixing the world- I don't know how to do it. But I do know

we do it with loving each other as we love ourselves.